At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
