Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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