i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
