Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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