If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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