I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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