He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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