Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
