ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
