Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
