don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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