The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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