It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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