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If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You've changed since you got that strap on
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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