The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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