They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
