I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
