I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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