It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
