I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
