last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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