Old men and throwing up are my life now.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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