Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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