Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
