The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
