I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
