I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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