I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize