Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
