he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
