Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
