I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
