I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
