I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I stole a fireplace last night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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