Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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