How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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