Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
