ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
