So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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