When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
