I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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