This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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