At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
