his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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