i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
