I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
