do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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