what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
