I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
