oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
