don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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