Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize