my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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